13 posts tagged “life”

a variation on my 101 Things in 100 Days list . . .  here's a list of things i've done so far in my 27 years and eight months on this little rock we call Home.  happy new year, everyone!  here's to 2009 and its potential adventures.

100 Things In Life
(as snagged from: dewitte)
 
Copy the list and highlight the things you've done.
Give your readers MUCH more than they ever wanted to know about you!

:: wow, 48!  i feel pretty good about that number. ::

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars (well, technically, it was raining)
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain (Masada, the Ramapo Mountains - neither really big)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (guitar, piano, violin, photography...)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train (ugh, never again.)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse (i even photographed it for a newspaper in Colorado.)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise (dinner cruise around Manhattan, yeah.  but uhh, i get seasick.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (yes!  Israel in January of '06)
35. Seen an Amish community  (i did go to college just outside of Amish country.)
36. Taught yourself a new language (to pronounce, yes.  understand, no.)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing (photographed the real thing, but tried it in a rock gym)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted  (painted, no.  drawn, yes.  photographed, yes.)
48. Gone deep sea fishing (but again, seasick!)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (in the Red Sea, off Eilat.  in 50 degree weather.)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater  (saw the Matrix there.  it was so incongruous.)
55. Been in a movie  (yay film student friends in college!)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (does freelancing count?)
58. Taken a martial arts class.  (my parents are Karate instructors.  i've taken many.)
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching  (we opted not to do this in camp, since everyone got seasick the year before.)
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check  (almost - rent cleared too soon!)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar  (as roe in sushi, sure.)
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (from my first job.  best thing that could have happened.)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car (My saturn, in '00)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper (both me, and my photographs)
85. Read the entire Bible (I skimmed it, plus I already know how it ends)
86. Visited the White House (i could only get as far as the fence)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (i rode an elevator with Christopher Walkin)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a mobile phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day 

i knew something was fishy.

mercury retrograde since May 27th, lasting until direct station on June 19th.  then finally, July 4th, everything will be back to normal.

please, lords of Kobol [sorry, been watching too much Battlestar Galactica lately], don't let me do anything stupid during this retrograde, as i've done time after time.  it's messing with my head, and work, and well ... everything -  BIG time.

/sigh

i need to find a new home.

my roommates are amazing people, and they really want to help out the girl who had lived here before me.  she's in a bad place - depressed, unemployed, hating savannah - and she's like a sister to them.  she's moving back to the area very soon . . .  and they want to ask her to move back in.

so, in order to help one, another must be hurt.

i knew this would happen, when she said she was moving back to the area.  i just knew it, deep down in the pit of my stomach.  [and yes, this keeps happening.  i need to listen to my gut more often, i think.]  either way, i now need to start searching for a new home.

i've got some time, but not much.  they said, "of course, the room is yours until the end of the lease."  but the girl moving back doesn't have anything lined up yet.  she'll probably end up crashing on people's couches, with best case scenario would be her finding a temporary rental.  but that's best case, and this is friendship we're talking about here.

i think for my sake, and hers, i'm going to aim for a March move.  it's only february 2nd, and people are just giving their 30 days notice (or 60 days for april) now.  there'll be some good turnover, i suspect.  or i hope.

as for where i want to go, i haven't quite made up my mind yet.  i'm limited by metro - or by walking, if i find someplace in the city near my office.  (but do i really want to be close enough to walk to work?)  i also have to consider my car.  i can't get rid of it.  and i can't live without it, especially with Revels.  so, there's got to be parking nearby.  (really, i could probably park it at my brother's house, maybe pay his roommate/owner a small monthly fee.  but that's a last resort.)  i'd also like to stay in virginia . . .  but that's really just for tax reasons.  my friends now live all over the metro area, so i'm not limited by them anymore. 

maybe now is the time i try city living.

in any case, life is taking another nasty turn.  all i can do is hold on tight, and make the most of this crazy rollercoaster.

maybe i should take some dramamine.

maybe one of my resolutions should include getting things done in a timely manner.  you know, like editing photos, or blogging, or putting away my washed-last-week laundry.  maybe.

so, last year i answered this in a QotD, It's Going To Be Different This Year.  for those of you not wanting to follow the jump, here were my resolutions.

• to be more confident.
• to take an active role in my life.
• to continue having new adventures.
• to make the most of this new life i've created here in washington, dc.

i'd say i think i did pretty well on these in 2007!  making resolutions for attitude changes is much more effective for me than making a resolution to [for example] put away my laundry right after it's done.  [although i'm seriously considering making that one.]  don't think these came easily though.  remember my 77 hours alone in my apartment?  definitely a turning point in the winter, but also definitely a rather low moment.

let's not have that again this year, 'kay?

from there, everything began to pick up with all sorts of great changes and steps forward.   all of this took effort - being active in decisions and movements.   it took confidence in myself, my skills, my qualities, and my friendships.  and oh, have there been adventures!  i'm making the most of my life here, every day, through Revels, through 18th Street Singers, through STUDIOS, through my friends, through my family, and most of all, through me. 

i'm thrilled to say that, for the second year running, i can look back at the last year and honestly say "i really love who i've become."  i never thought it would feel so good to say that, but it does.

does it pain me to know that all these wonderful feelings and events have happened because i chose to leave Jersey, and subsequently my family?  not in the slightest.  i actually think leaving was the best decision i've ever made.  and as the years are starting to pass here in DC, i'm more and more secure in the choice.  and now that my brother lives here, too?  i see my family more often than i ever thought i would, and i love that we get so much 'fun time' together.

i love living here.  i love working in this city.  i don't love being squished on the metro at 8am, but i love that i can get anywhere i want, either by car, train, bus or plane.  i love the small brick houses [and the townhouses, too] in virginia, and hope to own one [or the other] someday.  i love the huge Revels community, and how it's found me so many amazing friends, friends to last a lifetime and more.  i love that every time i turn around, there's another outlet for my creativity.  and i love that i've finally found a job that i could see myself at for a long time, learning new things every day, and it allows me to afford [in both time - well, mostly - and money] to have the life i want to lead.

so.

my resolutions for 2008?

• to continue being active and confident
• to trust my gut more, and not second guess myself (because i do make good decisions, dammit!)
  
• to always remember to live in the moment (and not dwell on the past)
  
• (and on that note) to "just be."

• oh.  and to put my laundry away, among other 'timely manner' things.

last year's word was hopeful.

i think the word of the year for 2008 should be boundless.

so many moments to love, laugh, cry, feel, soar, sing, and live.

the possibilities are endless.

the scene:

i'm sitting at my childhood desk, but where the "seating" spot is, there's an ancient TV.  instead, my macbook is off to the left, where i need to open the cabinet door in order to sit properly.  my knees are inside the cabinet, resting against the shelves full of old photo albums and other items from my youth.  beside me sits a mug of a makeshift chai tea latte - brewed chai tea from a bag, a big spoonful of non-dairy vanilla creamer, and half a splenda.  is it too much information to mention that these items (well, maybe not the splenda) were purchased when i last lived here, over two years ago?  thankfully, they're items that really can't go bad, no matter the expiration date.

our friends' dog is occasionally pacing around the living room, barking lightly at the sound of the neighbors coming home.  we're watching him for the week.  he's a strange dog, very calm and slightly stupid.  well, no.  he's just not quite sure how to act like a real dog.  my mother came home the other day to find him sitting in the doorway with the "i'm in trouble, aren't i?" look and trash strewn all around the kitchen.  she said she had to restrain herself from busting out laughing, as he's never done that before.  he's almost six, and a wheaton terrier - the 'blondes' of the dog universe.

this end of the house has been quiet all day, with my brother working all morning.  now, he's waiting to hear back from his friend to find out when they're going out to the movies.  i never understood this, going to the movies with a friend you haven't seen in a long time.  wouldn't you want to go somewhere where you can talk and catch up?  alas, the difference between me and my brother.

the rest of the house is quiet, too . . .  my dad's been at work all day, and my mom is hiding in her office.  or sleeping on the couch.  if ever i don't hear her, she's in one of those two places.  i feel like she's working, as she was earlier.  also, her office is the warmest room in the house - she's got a space heater that's incredible.  the room has no heat to start with, as it was part of the garage originally.  with both mom and dad working one of their many jobs from home, they both needed office space.  one of the first projects my dad completed on this house, so many years ago, was building that office.

speaking of heat, my room is the coldest in the house.  long ago, we had digital thermometers - one outside, one in my room, and one in the kitchen - to keep track of the drafts.  my room in the winter would average around 50 degrees or so.  i'd say we're at about that now, maybe colder.  i can feel the draft wafting towards me from the walls - yes, you can feel the wind and cold through the walls, not the windows - over the little heater i have.  right now, i'm making about 30 mistakes a minute typing.  well, maybe not that many.  but way more than i should, since my fingers are getting colder and colder . . .  more tea time.

it's really not that good.  just warm.

***
no matter how cold or how quiet it gets, this place will always be home.

***
two years have passed since i lived in this room.  my walls still have a few remains of the life i once knew - a printout of my favorite photo from high school, a strangely lit - yet quite dramatic - print of an old musician friend, a keychain and a piece of pottery hanging in the same place since i was about seven from my bestest friend in the entire universe (official title), and most embarrassingly, the bits and pieces of song lyrics and quotes i ingeniously wrote on the back of my door in sharpie with key words missing, as they were taped on in magazine cut-out letters.  the letters are long gone, but i still remember what the quotes were in their entirety. 

"Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to the place where you don't have to be anyone else." - anonymous

"Hope is home and the heart is free." - Enya

"I'm still the angel to a girl who hates to sin." - Tori Amos

"Dear g-d, help me find myself." - me

words from a darker time.  and oddly enough, the time was only as dark as i wanted it to be.  in reality, i had lots going for me.  a loving boyfriend.  fantastic friends.  fun classes.  theatre.  singing.  marching band.  cheerleading.  acceptance to every college i applied.  somewhere in there, the messages got lost.  and thus, i felt the need to express my darkness through the back of my door, where no one else would see.

***
on this thanksgiving, i am thankful for so many things in my life.

i'm thankful that i was able to emerge from that darkness and get to that place where i didn't need to be anything but myself.  and for being able to look back on that time and see all the amazing things that i got to experience. 

i'm thankful for this cold room, and for the wash of memories that comes over me every time i enter it after being away for so long.  relishing in my first kiss.  picking out the hideous wallpaper.  writing numerous songs.  hours and hours and hours of procrastination.  practicing cheers with my pom-poms over and over, just because i couldn't believe i was actually a cheerleader and i wanted to be the best.  (i wasn't, but that's another story for another day.)  contemplating being alone for the first time after an intense relationship.  hiding in my bed for the last time during my month of unemployment, right before the phone call about my interview with exhale.  making my 148 pact with diane.  teaching myself how to sing by mimicking my CD's and tapes of The Little Mermaid and Les Miserablés (the London cast, of course.)  looking out my window at night, hoping and wishing and praying in the moonlight that everything will turn out just fine in the end.

i'm thankful for the life i've built for myself, considering the tumultuous times.  and i'm thankful for my hard work paying off and landing me at such a fun and challenging and educational job, working for such inspiring people.  and i'm thankful for the ability to take a chance and put my talents on the line for all to see and judge, and for them taking a chance on me, enabling me to sing the most beautiful of music and share in the most beautiful of moments.  and i'm thankful for all the new and wonderful friends i've found through these endeavors, friends with the same passions as myself.  and, i'm thankful that these friends are more like enduring family and less just fleeting moments of happiness.

i'm thankful for the strange inspiration, driving down I-95 that beautiful March day, that maybe what i needed wasn't just a new job, but a new location.  and i'm thankful for the timing, as it could not have been better.  i'm even thankful for my ex-boyfriend - if it weren't for dating him the second time and realizing we *really* didn't work, i wouldn't have gotten over him, and i wouldn't have been so brave and sure of myself as to even consider a big move.

i'm thankful for my brother.  and i'm thankful for his job.  and his move.  and his house being only ten minutes away from me.  and i'm thankful that he's starting to like Washington and Virginia.  (i'll be even more thankful once he starts to make more friends and branch out a bit.  but all in due time.)  and most importantly, for the chances we do get to spend time and talk, becoming better friends than we ever have been. 

i'm thankful for my mother.  and i'm thankful that i am turning into a clone of her.  and for all the times she was hard on me, and for all the times she listened to my stories and just smiled along.  and for inspiring me to finally get my act together and use my skills to their highest potential.  and for being the amazing, strong, and loving mom that she has grown to be.

i'm thankful for my father.  and i'm thankful for his quiet and simple nature, as i think my mom would explode without him.  and for his sense of humor, and love, and enjoyment of even the littlest of things.  and for working so damn hard for so many years and still remaining a positive and jolly man, all while being a supportive and doting dad.

i'm thankful for my grandmother, too.  at eighty-two years old, she hasn't changed a bit since i can remember, and i'm thankful that she realized how much she had left to live for after my grandfather passed away.  he'd be so proud of her now.  i'm thankful every single day for her health and mind, and i'm thankful that she knows the love of her children, grandchildren, and even her great-grandson.  and i'm thankful that we have had the chance to grow older with her and know her love, too.

out of everything i could possibly be thankful for . . .

i'm thankful for life.

i've had a million starting lines run through my head tonight, and as i sit here in bed, all i can think is, "i was late for work because my roommate was in the bathroom for ever this morning, and now i can't go to bed because she's been in the bathroom for ever."

maybe it's her settling into the idea that i'm never home anymore.

i sincerely hope that none of you [if you're still checking to see if/when i post] think this dry spell is without warrant.  every night i come home and have this desire to write, whether for me or for the audience at large.  but sleep comes faster than my hands can reach the MacBook.  i try to keep up with the key blog posts from all of you as well, but i still feel like i'm missing out on all of your adventures.

i don't want this to turn into another "i'm sorry i'm not blogging much anymore" post.
instead, here's all the things i've been doing.

• work

work is great.  work is insane.  and tiring.  and fun.  and exciting.  and crazy.  and stressful.  and hard.  and draining.  and finally starting to make sense.

take a look at my schedule from today:
 
7:10am  wake up late.
7:50am  get in the shower (see above for why such a delay.)
8:30am  leave for the bus/metro.
9:30am  arrive at work.
somewhere around 1ish i took a half hour for lunch.
somewhere around 7ish i took 15 minnutes for dinner.
9:30pm  leave work
10:15pm  arrive home.
10:45pm  sit with Penelope and start writing.

i was supposed to go to Revels tonight for our weekly work party / rehearsal.  this is the first one i've missed.  i don't really like the feeling.

oddly enough, i still love my job.  i would just love some more sleep.

•  choir

seriously, choir is amazing.  i knew it would be working with fun people, and that we'd sing some great music, but i didn't realize just how amazing and great it could be.  we had our retreat this weekend, and between two nights of crazy dance party with huge rounds of flipcups, 'big booty' (if you've never played the game, you must!) and a game of truth-or-dare blackjack, we put in over seven hours of singing, a walk to the beach, and some quality time bonding.  i still can't believe i'm in this group. 

of course, i can't just blame work for my lack of sleep and energy.  retreat brought about 6 hours of sleep total.  going out on monday nights after rehearsal gets me into my bed around midnight.  totally worth it, though.  and there were a few nights when i was smart and didn't go out.  [to counteract the nights when i was stupid and should have gone home, but went out anyway.]

my goodness, though . . .  i really love being in this group.

• revels

not much to say about revels, seeing that i wasn't able to make it tonight.  i still love it with all my heart, as i always have.  volunteering has been an interesting way to keep involved . . .  some nights i get a lot done, and some, i just end up talking with my friends.  such is life, i guess. :)  last week, after rehearsal, we went to the Irish Inn by Glen Echo Park for some drinks, and what fun!  we sat on the deck outside and sang and drank beer [well, everyone but me] and danced and sang some more.  apparently that used to be a tradition after rehearsal, but had been stopped in recent years due to logistics of rehearsal spaces.

i'm still holding hope that i can get back into the show next year.  i really miss being IN the rehearsals and not just assisting in other ways.

• other stuff

hmm, what else.  i have a wedding reception party saturday for one of my sorority sisters.  i'm looking forward to it, and to seeing another sister's new house.  it's always good times when we all get together. 

i'm still working on my project365, although i haven't had a chance to give my weekly/bi-weekly update here yet.  perhaps tomorrow.  it was either photos or words, and since you can just check out my flickr site to keep updated, words won out.

my brother's doing well down here, from what i can tell.  i wish he'd call me or email me back sometime, but alas, i cannot change him.  i should call him tomorrow or something, maybe he'll answer.  i hope so - he owes me money for our thanksgiving trip back to jersey.  almost $400 for the two of us round trip.  ouch, huh.  why don't we drive, you ask?  because i would rather pay $200 than sit in traffic for nine hours trying to get home by car.  been there, done that.

as you can see from my schedule, i don't have time to date anyone.  perhaps that's a good thing.  i'm finally doing the things i want to do, for me.  it's kind of liberating.  and only kinda lonely when i see my roommates all starting new fledgling relationships.  if only i . . .  let's not go there.  this is a public post.

----
i hope this has been an enlightening look into what i've been up to for the last few weeks.
just know that i'm happy.  busy, but happy.

sleep time.

hi everyone.

i've just spent the last hour and a half catching up on all your entries since thursday, and realized that it's been just as long since i've posted anything.  why the hiatus?

i'm sick.

yes, again.  for those of you who don't remember . . .  about two months ago, i had a terrible sore throat following a few days of flu-ey symptoms.  i let the soreness go on for about a week, until i said enough is enough and went to the doctor.  free drugs, last minute appointment, yay.

now, wednesday night is rehearsal night for Revels.  usually, i'm all about dancing and singing and enjoying the company of my fellow Revelers and friends.  but on wednesday, something just didn't feel right.  by the time i got home, i kinda felt fevery.  the "skin tingles" and general "my body hurts" feeling.  i figure i'll just go to bed early and that'll be that.

i wake up thursday morning to a sore throat.  nothing too bad, but definitely uncomfortable.  throughout the day, i felt crappier and crappier, and knew something wasn't right.  i made a pit stop at my new house to drop off a check for the closet (it's an external closet) after work, and then headed directly home.  i didn't leave the couch all night, and thought "wow, i think i'm getting sick again."  i took a nightcap of some advil, and hoped all would be okay in the morning.

i knew friday was going to be trouble.  i woke up with a doubly sore throat plus the skin tingles.  what do i do?  go to work of course!  by about 11am, i was ready to go home.  it hurt just to sit and breathe.  i called the doctor, and they fit me in for a saturday appointment.  in hindsight, i should have pushed for something that day.  but at least i got an appointment.  i looked at my boss around 2:30pm, gave him my update that everything [gasp] was done for the day, and asked if it would be alright to head home now.  thank goodness he said yes.

adam came over on friday to keep me company [he's also not feeling well, an allergic reaction and some severe allergy-related swelling on his face] and all i could do was lay on the couch and not move.  sleep was rough, i kept waking up from my throat being sore, and being hot. 

by morning, i was ready for more drugs.  popped some advil, and poof . . .  i felt better.  we went out for breakfast, and then i went to the FONA plant sale at the National Arboretum where some of my Revels friends were performing madrigals.  right as the advil should have been wearing off, i could tell something wasn't right.  i had a few minutes of downtime before going to the doctor, and that's when it hit me - this is BAD.

also in hindsight, i should have called adam to drive me to the doctor.  i was in no condition to be driving.  oops.

so, the doctor sees me right away [woo!] and i tell him, "remember how i was in about two months ago and you were surprised that i didn't feel bad with my infected tonsils?  well, this time, i feel horrible."  seriously, folks, i had to choke back the tears right before he walked in.  he took one look at my throat and said, "wow.  your tonsils are severely infected."  he didn't even feel for my glands -  i think he could see them from the outside.  he sounded kinda concerned, and then tells me to monitor how often this starts to happen, and that if i start getting 4-5 infections a year, i may need to have them REMOVED.  ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  let's hope that DOES NOT HAPPEN. 

anyways, after taking my temperature [101], he gives me a free 7-day course of antibiotics [yea, drug samples!!], prescribes me some viscous lidocaine [which is the nastiest stuff on earth - how the hell are you supposed to gargle a GEL without gagging] tells me to alternate advil and tylenol every 3 hours, and asks if i'm okay to drive.  i lie and say, "yeaaa" in the most feeble sound.  he knows i'm lying, but what else could i do?

i barely make it home, pop some drugs, and curl up on the couch.

and that's where i've been [pretty much] since.

adam came over this afternoon for a short walk and some lunch [which ended up to be a cookie and some lime sorbet], and i barely made it home.  i should have stayed in and rested, but i couldn't resist the nice weather.  i was fine for about an hour, and then i waned real fast.

since then, i've done a little bit of packing, washed the dishes, and made a to-do list of which most things have not been done.  oh.  and caught up with everyone's blogs.  guess that's one less thing on my list i need to do now.  yay!

i got sick of sound, so i'm here writing this in my silent apartment.  either the TV or the radio has been on non-stop since i came home on friday, and my ears are thanking me right now for the silence.  it's amazing what you hear when everything's off.

it's almost time for another dose of advil . . . i'm starting to space the doses out to every four hours now.  tomorrow, i might be able to cut it back to six.

tomorrow's going to be hell.

first thing at hand:  thank my boss for letting me go home early.
second thing:  see if my boss will let me go home early if i'm feeling crappy again.

i hate being legitimately s.i.c.k. sick.

and you should see my tonsils.  eeew!  yuck!

i swear, these emails get more an more [eerily] on-the-ball.  don't believe me?  read this and then review what's been on my mind in the past few entries.  don't forget, the mercury retrograde isn't over until this weekend, and boy . . . am i in the thick of it.  ugh.

If you were to take a serious inventory of your life, what changes would you make? And once you answered that question, would you be willing to make those changes a reality now?

Last August, when serious Saturn and idealistic Neptune began the first of three oppositions in a year, it was important for you to get serious about your life -- especially about your dreams and how to manifest them. This month, a second opposition with Neptune occurs, helping you assess how far you’ve come. Over the past few months, people and events in your life have probably revealed whether you've been realistic (listen-up 'American Idol' hopefuls!) or not. Perhaps someone you know is expressing dissatisfaction with the progress of a relationship or the results of your work.

As uncomfortable as they can be, oppositions are a time of reflection, and they can provide valuable information. Make sure that you use this period to get clear about what's most important to you, and be honest with yourself about what you're willing to do to get what you want -- otherwise you may become disillusioned.

....

A Saturn opposition always requires hard work; it’s a roll-up-your-sleeves time. Meanwhile, Neptune encourages you to tune in to your dreams, ideals and spirituality. You have desires, ambitions and goals -- now is the time to evaluate your progress and let go of anything that's holding you back. There is still a fair amount of uncertainty in the air, so don’t worry about nailing everything down. Instead, pace yourself ... to make good judgment calls. This series of transits will conclude in June, and then you can put the final touches on your life plan!

yea, life plan!  i can't wait for this insanity to be over!