Originally written November 17, 2009 for Creative Writing with T. Medina.
Obsession and Reverence*
By: Mahoganie Jade Browne
he was taught to pray three times a day.
Sunrise. Afternoon. Dusk.
Sometimes East. Sometimes West.
No true religion.
Just fun and games.
Until…
he stubbed his toe.
Lost everything to friend and foe.
Bare.
Cursing.
he walked away, feeling forsaken
Thinking.
he did his share of proper worship.
Asking.
What had he done to trigger what he had wrought?
No reflections in the dark.
No echo.
No sound of his own breathing.
The open space rang loud and clear.
Empty.
Like his prayers.
Suddenly playing church wasn’t an option anymore.
*Title taken from Lloyd McNeill’s painting “Obsession and Reverence” (1963) currently on display at Howard University’s School of Fine Arts Art Gallery.
We turned what might have been a lazy Sunday into a very industrious one, getting The Aerie all decked out for Christmastime. We had the Christmas music playing from the office while we decked the halls and trimmed the trees (our big Christmas tree and our little Monterey pine out back). Speaking of trees, we even added some Christmas cheer to the palm trees outside of our home.
It's a struggle to get these thoughts out. I convinced myself I needed to write to get me going again. Since Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, I've been feeling as if I've been in a daze. As if my body and mind has reached it's highest level of excitement and activity that it can't do anymore...at least not at this time. Still I have four more papers to complete before the close the of the semester, plus some editing and writing duties for the publication that is officially launching.. err ummm this week!!! (EEK!)
I didn't realize how busy and how truly drained I have been since August. From writing two to three papers just about every week, to writing creatively for Medina's class and even throwing in some journalism duties PLUS coming home to take care of whatever issues there, I should be half out my mind. Still I'm in tact. A long time ago this would have drowned me. I would have given in to defeat and sat on the sidelines, again prolonging my "college career." But a force stronger than me has kept me afloat. I've just lived up to my end as far as the work goes.
This year I didn't formulate any real thoughts on Thanksgiving. I was just thankful for the second year in a row that the "Ides of November" wasn't looming - death, depression, sickness, over blown drama - and I was able to spend Thanksgiving with the ones I love. The day after met me with an incredible body crash. I managed to get up early with the Snickerdoodle and give her breakfast and watch her favorite shows with her. However, for the most part I stayed on the couch with one eye on the Snickerdoodle as she played and another trying to talk me into a full fledge sleep. Stayed away from my computer and for the most part my Blackberry; though I did send and received a couple of text messages. I did get a couple of cat naps in, but once the Snickerdoodle was in bed for the night, I wasn't far behind.
I slept a deep, dreamless sleep. The best.
Saturday met me with such energy. I knew I still had work to complete, but the computer just didn't appeal to me. I didn't fret over it at all. I spent the day helping my father dig out Christmas decorations and few other items from the storage shed. I did find a few goodies that once belonged to me as a kid that I'm now giving to the Snickerdoodle.
So this red chair was wrapped up and towards the back of the storage shed. Apparently my grandfather gave this to me when I was about 2 or 3 years old. Of course I looked it and said the Snickerdoodle had to have this. She saw it and couldn't wait to sit in it.
Then there was my "Dressy Bessy" doll; the doll that helps you understand how to zip, button, snap and tie. I think this was my favorite find for the Snickerdoodle. After I gave Bessy a good spin around the washing machine, to brighten her up, the Snickerdoodle hasn't been able to put her down. She loves this, which is a bit of shock to me. Usually the Snickerdoodle doesn't play with dolls at her. She's more for toys with actions and that makes noise. Then again, with Bessy there is action as you zip, snap, tie and button.
By the end of the day I was tired. My whole body ached. Energy was gone. I took a bubble bath and headed straight for the bed. I was nearing my deep sleep when the Snickerdoodle awoke in the middle of the night. For whatever reason she wasn't trying to go back to sleep. She wasn't ill, but I knew she too was tired having a long day playing outside. Still she fought sleep and made space in my bed for her, her blankie, and Bessy. I made several attempts for her to go back to sleep, but none was working.
Soooooo.
We had an impromptu slumber party as we watched a couple of movies on OnDemand Shrek and Sesame Street's Follow That Bird (a classic from my generation when I was like... 5) The Snickerdoodle stayed up and watched both movies and still fought to go back to sleep. Nevertheless by 4:30 am she was too tired to fight and my body felt like it wanted to slap the crap out of me for not sleeping. Once I knew for sure the Snickerdoodle was sleep (in her own bed), I collapsed back into my bed, falling into a deep repose until the house phone rang around 8 am. Then my cell phone rang no later than that.
I hit ignore for both calls and went back to sleep.
My body and mind had grown just that tired. Even now.. as it's only inching towards 3:30 in the afternoon, my bed seems to be calling. Just one more day of sleep and I'll be ready to finish out the last week of classes and the next week of a final exam, plus the last two papers that are due.
@ the dome for falcons/bucs game
This week's warm weather and clear-sky Santa Ana was ushered out today in a big way with rain showers (and even hail!) and a cold wind from the north.
The change in weather was a good demarcation point to change from Thanksgiving into Christmas, which we're getting an early start on this year. Of course, the first course of action is to get the tree.
Now Penny has never had a tree in the house, and I'm not sure she entirely knows what to think about it. Wait until we put the lights and decorations on tomorrow!
round 1
persimmons are divine
hustle 'n flo: parents workin' thanksgiving
Free from the IV for a day -- wiggling unencumbered!
Swaddled and comfortable, with guardian panda watching.
We got a day at home with Anna. Never still for a minute, unless she's sleeping!
Things to be thankful for at the moment:
Moira is doing a lot better. It's been a rocky road, but it should be a short way to recovery now. The diagnosis we've ended up with is a kidney infection and milk allergy/sensitivity -- whether the infection triggered the allergy or diarrhea from the allergy triggered the infection is a moot point now. She's been getting IV antibiotics for the infection and will switch to oral once she's discharged. She's been on a totally milk-free formula during her entire hospital stay, but she may be able to switch to a formula that isn't quite so specialized, now that we know her malabsorption problem was due to the infection and not some other abnormality. It still may mean I'd have to go vegan in order to breastfeed her, though. She's peeing and pooping normally, she's gaining weight really well, she's alert when she's awake and sleeping comfortably. The main hurdle at this point is to wean her off of the feeding tube. She's up to one-ounce oral feeds so far. I think once we're up to two-ounce feeds, we'll be in the clear. Hopefully she'll be home Monday.
Ken and I have a night without the kids. It's a mixed blessing. My mom is spending tonight at the hospital with Moira. Anna is with Ken's parents. I miss the girls terribly -- it's weird not having them around -- but I do appreciate the quiet (and the ability to type two-handed, as well as get an uninterrupted night's sleep). It also means that tomorrow will be just like the Thanksgiving mornings I'm used to pre-parenthood: watching the Macy's parade while chopping apples and walnuts to make apple-cranberry compote. Not what I was expecting for Thanksgiving this year, but I won't complain. Tomorrow night Ken and I will get Anna back for the evening while Ken's parents do hospital duty. The next day, they will keep Anna, and Ken and I will be with Moira for the duration.
